compos_dementis: Picture of anime Mello with gothic M (L smile)
We're reading Romeo and Juliet right now in my English class. Out loud, in parts.

I get to play Mercutio.

I got to give the entire "Queen Mab" speech. XD

And the best part?

My teacher doesn't get most of the lines she's telling me to say.

My God, I love this play.
compos_dementis: Picture of anime Mello with gothic M (Default)
It's nothing too important, I try to tell myself. It's just the way she is, the way she plays, whether it be weak and distant over the phone or her laughter in my ear as we wait for the bell to ring at school.

Her hands clutch at her notebooks, and my hands grip mine possessively to my chest. Our stories are something shared, something we can trade off with one another as easily as trading off the looks of disappointment on our faces. Because this isn't what either of us expected, this slow longing that pulls at our chests. I know she can feel it too, every time our hands brush and each time we share an awkward laugh.

We can share fiction. We can put all of our fears and desires into characters that we think are better than us... or at least I do. Characters determined to become clean, women fighting for respect and men trying to scrub away the sins that eat away at them. People that want to be better, smarter, people that desire to be looked at as someone worth seeing.

Am I worth seeing, anymore? I used to be, as our lazy touches became a little more heated, as her mouth pulled into that sweet smile. But now, our hands avoid one another's. We touch only when we must, only as we say goodbye before we part ways.

This isn't what I wanted. This isn't what I need.

And it's nothing too important. It's just her, words flying at me and hitting my heart like daggers even though deep down, I know it's a joke. I think it's a joke.

"You're just a little slow," she likes to tell me, with a small laugh. And I smile weakly back, thinking that next time I'll do better, next time I won't deserve having been called something less than what I am. I know I'm not worth it, I realize that I can never be enough for her requirements.

I can't reach her standards of what I should be; as knowing as she is, as quiet as she wants me to be. She does want me to just be silent, sometimes, to not fling jokes right back at her... to just take the faux-insults she gives me with a smile and not say anything in return.

She doesn't mean it. She loves me, or at least she says she does. I'm not sure what to believe anymore, to be honest. But I'm perfectly content to remain this miserably unhappy, as long as it makes her smile.

I don't mind unhappiness. I've received it so many times before, concealing the bitterness with smiles and laughter and stories and chocolate. I let my close circle of friends know that I'm truly happy with the way things are, that nothing could possibly be wrong -- can't they hear the way I laugh?

But inside...

Inside, I'm decaying. I'm flaking away under the harsh pressure she gives me.

I'm... dying, as much as it hurts to think about.

And I do it for her smile.
compos_dementis: Picture of anime Mello with gothic M (happily plotting death)
My English teacher, bless her black, cold heart, told us to pick a topic and write a 5-paragraph MLA report about something having to do with Greek mythology.

Just to show her that just because I'm agreeing to do this without a fight, I'm not giving up yet... I chose a topic that is bound to make her UberChristian, Bible-thumping mind despise me, if possible, more than she already did.

God, I love English class.

My MLA Report )

Oh Lordy

Mar. 28th, 2008 02:34 pm
compos_dementis: Picture of anime Mello with gothic M (happily plotting death)
Hello flist!

Sorry I haven't posted in... *counts*



Right. Well. This is a post to say that I'm still not dead. I posted a little yesterday (memes, a short story) but I haven't told you where I've been. I've been busy with school stuff -- learning about Greek mythology now -- and stressing out because apparently my stepmother's pregnant.

Yes, my wicked stepmother is pregnant.


My fanfiction muse is obviously broken... So I've been burying myself in my original stories. I've got the one about the wizard school (the prep, the dyke, the nerd, and the flaming gay boy) and I've got the one about the vampires and werewolves (cranky French werewolf falls in love with a spastic vampire boy) and now I've got the Warren/Warren story written with radioactive_x.

Oh boy.

Been playing Guitar Hero (2 and Rocks the 80s), reading (Picture of Dorian Gray, Stranger in a Strange Land), drawing (original characters), and writing.

Been... bored.

Out of my skull.

*dies inside*

*and a little outside*
compos_dementis: Picture of anime Mello with gothic M (removed soul for sarcasm)
Oh my Gosh!

How much can happen in a few weeks of non-LJ time?

Just to let you guys know, I'm not dead. (Don't look so disappointed!) I've been in the Real World, reading manga and watching anime.

Onnakitty, I just finished Fruits Basket and fell in love. My OTP is Yuki/Kyo (duh) although Tohru's pretty cool, too. Kyo is my all-time favorite, with Shigure and Ayame a close second.

And little Momiji! *squeezes him*

I've also been checking out Death Note. Saw the first few episodes on YouTube and fell in love. Now I'm on the sixth manga and going bonkers with the L/Light lovin'. They are adorable, are they not? Angst love is my favorite kind of love.

I had a Yami no Matsuei party and invited a bunch of my friends. Draco came over, and so did my gf, Carina, and a ton of my other buddies that I like to hang out with. They all loved it because it's TEH UBER SLASH OMG and because Tsuzuki is a fluffy puppy.

Hmm... I was sick all last week and missed the entire week at school, still managing to ace all the make-up tests. I went out for cheap Chinese with my mom and talked to my friends on the telephone, you know, the good stuff.

I wrote lots of fanfiction, but none of it was Harry Potter-related, I'm sorry to say.

If any of you can rec me any Fruba fanfic (or Yami) that would be fantastic. All the stuff I've found on FFN sucks.

I'll be posting again here in a few seconds, so don't hate me.
compos_dementis: Picture of anime Mello with gothic M (Default)
I had a dream the other night where I murdered my ex-girlfriend.

Not a good dream, to say the least.

I wrote a sonnet about it, for class, and I think it freaked out my English teacher.

Also? I feel like I'm going to be sick.

I'm so depressed.


Jan. 3rd, 2008 05:13 pm
compos_dementis: Picture of anime Mello with gothic M (harry/ron scar)
I could have sworn that I didn't want to hear it at the time.

Her voice, soft and... dare I say gentle, over a long-distance telephone conversation. That tone made my chest ache and made me yearn to see her again, to just get a glimpse of her blonde, blonde hair or her blue, blue eyes.

But I didn't want to hear it. A part of me protested at her words that she confessed into my ear, but a larger part of me wanted to take it into consideration, to feel the response I wanted to say leave my mouth.

She had been crying, and I could tell from the way her voice was constricted. Too appropriate, I think, the none too gentle pull of guilt on my heart, the flood of tears in my eyes. I listened to her statement and tried -- believe me, I tried -- to ignore the way she left me feeling, left me thinking, left me wishing...

"I want you back."

Those aren't the words I wanted to hear from her, especially when my relationship is currently going so well with another girl.

I responded the way I was supposed to. The proper way, the professional way, a way in which my mother would be proud. It was forbidden to return to her warm embrace, even when my girlfriend now is still mostly just my friend, hands shaking as we touch, giving only chaste kisses for fear of destroying our previous friendship.

To go back would be a betrayal, and I told her so, and it hurt to hear her sobs on the phone.

"I'm sorry," I responded, and I was a good girl, and I didn't tell her I still love her, didn't let her know how I feel.

But her words -- "I want you back..."

A part of me wanted to run, and a larger part of me still wanted to run back into her warm, loving arms.W
compos_dementis: Picture of anime Mello with gothic M (Tatsumi knock first)
All right.

So yesterday, me and my family had to stop by the book store because 1. my mom can't control her Doctor Who impulses and 2. the book store is usually a good place to relieve the tension of the week.

Little did we know that Barnes and Noble is a pretty hopping place Friday nights.

A trip to the restroom shouldn't ever be a bizarre experience. My intentions were none other than to go in, do my business, wash my hands, and leave, as one would normally do.

Instead, I went in and found myself facing a crying lady.

I asked if she was all right, being the good natured person I am, and she insisted she was fine. She was anything but fine and I asked if she was sure, at which point she decided to tell me that her boyfriend had dumped her in the middle of the store.

Shocked, I said that I was sorry and asked yet again if she was okay. She began crying again, loudly and with many tears, and explained that they had been together for two years until tonight. I blinked and offered my apologies again.

And then she hugged me.

I patted her back awkwardly and offered many confused "there, there"s while she sobbed that she thought he really loved her, she didn't know it would end like this, she had always liked his mother, and so on.

Luckily, I did manage to calm her down enough to get her to go home.

Note to self: When to avoid Barnes and Noble...
compos_dementis: Picture of anime Mello with gothic M (Default)
So me and my girlfriend broke up.

For the longest time, I felt numb, like part of me was missing. She was the best relationship I've ever had, and at fourteen, you'd be surprised at how many I've had. She was funny and sweet and sarcastic... pretty much the perfect girl.

And then it ended.

My good friend Shelby was there for me in the aftermath, when I was broken into pieces. Shelby is the Harry to my Ron... I have red hair and freckles, I can make a good joke or two, my nickname is "Flipper Foot" with my mom. Shelby has dark hair and glasses and is an orphan, living with her uncle.

I was on the phone with her when she said there was someone on the other line. When she came back, she told me that it was our friend, Tyler. I talked to Tyler shortly afterwards, and he told me that Shelby had feelings for me.

Yeah. Imagine my surprise; friends for years, giggling at stupid sex references, and then all of a sudden...

So we're together now. My friend Carina nearly had a cow: "Harry and Ron are really together now!" It was actually kind of funny.

So now... well... I guess I'm all right.
compos_dementis: Picture of anime Mello with gothic M (God quotes)
So I haven't posted fic in freakin' forever, mainly because I'm a doof and my brain was drained and I've had basically NO good ideas since DH came out.


I'm going to go ahead and take requests. Anyone who wants a fic...

1. Specify the fandom and pairing
2. Rating
3. Plot? Or at least a prompt? Please?
4. Don't ask me to write incestual fic, or Harry/Ginny. And no furries. I'll write anything else, I swear.

So, ask away! Please, I'm bored as hell!



Jul. 6th, 2007 11:18 am
compos_dementis: Picture of anime Mello with gothic M (be you unless you suck)
So, I had a dentist appointment today. I know: exciting, right?

Anyway, so the lady that was doing my cleaning was fairly pretty. Light brown hair, freckles, pretty blue eyes... the works. She started off with small talk:

her: So, are you here visiting?
me: Yes. Only until Sunday, though.
her: Hmm.
me: Yeah.
her: Do you like Transformers?
me: I didn't watch the show, but I want to see the movie.
her: Oh.
me: Yep.
her: So, I'll be looking around a little, and--
me: I thought we were going to talk about the weather?

After the very boring chat we had, she scraped my teeth with Sharp Pointy Thing and Rinsy Noisy Thing washed it all off. I had some tartar buildup, but that was expected.

Then she was going to look for cavities with Beepy Light Thing, but it was out of batteries (gasp), so she went to get another dentist to come in and have a gander at my teeth.

Then entered the OMG pretty dark-haired blue-eyed doctor. I was smitten.

him: So, are you here visiting?
me: *imagines grabbing him and saying "I'll stay for you!"* ...Yeah...
him: So, let's take a look at your teeth here. Your space maintainer broke?
me: ...Duh? I mean, yes. Wait, maybe. Yes. While I was brushing. Sorry! I'm nervous!
him: *blinks his gorgeous blue eyes*
me: *blushes*
him: Right. So, did Tammy here tell you about the orthodontist?
me: Y-yes... *still embarrassed* Did you know you're very good-looking?

I can't wait for my next appointment!
compos_dementis: Picture of anime Mello with gothic M (i'm a genius)
So I saw a blog entry somewhere talking about the seventh Harry Potter book coming out, and I was struck with an idea.

I could have a Potter Party.

My dad's house is fairly big, and he already said I could host it there. Offer transportation for all my friends at home in a rented van! So, they'd have a nice drive to Dad's, and they get in the house and are blown away.

Why? you may ask.

Because the living room, thanks to a few blankets and the fire going, will be decorated like the Gryffindor common room. There'll be a table in the back with snacks on it: licorice wands, pumpkin pasties, butterbeer, treacle tart... Yum, am I right?

When everyone's relaxed enough, we'll put on one of the movies with popcorn and soda and sugary snacks to make us hyper and stay up late. Finally, when it's time for bed, all the guests will stumble upstairs in their giddy hyper mood and then we'll all sit down and read aloud from our favorite passages in the books!

I think I'm brilliant! XD
compos_dementis: Picture of anime Mello with gothic M (chibi tsuzuki)
Today is pretty much the same as it's always been this week... Dad and the wicked Stepmother are gone, so I'm left alone at the house to do whatever the hell I want, without adult supervision.

How have I been spending this precious, precious time alone? I've been reading porn and finding some communities about Yami no Matsuei. Sneaking cookies, sneaking ice cream, playing Kingdom Hearts 2 (still trying to find Riku!), singing loudly and off-key to irritate the neighbors... Kid stuff.

Of course, that doesn't make me feel any better... I'm still bored as hell, waiting for my girlfriend to email me about picking her up to go see Pirates 3. You know, it's funny, we never really dated... this would be our first, in the entire year we've been fooling around.

Okay, so basically it's all blah from my end... How is it on yours? XD
compos_dementis: Picture of anime Mello with gothic M (chibi tsuzuki)
Hello friends!

Nothing new to report, really, besides that I'm still spazzed out watching Yami no Matsuei on YouTube. I really need some Yami friend, really I do!

Using my chibi!Tsuzuki icon because he's so fucking adorable that I think I may die...
compos_dementis: Picture of anime Mello with gothic M (bitchy hisoka)
So my quest to finish the series that I'm writing continues... I'm in the middle of book three at the moment, where the plot continues to twist and the main character's mopey, the sidekick's cranky, the brainy one's confused, and Warren is just Warren, happily doing his thing.

In other news, I'm expecting my friend Violet over today (squee!) and then we'll go window shopping because I'm too poor to afford even dollar-store items. I find it funny that I pretty myself up, ruffle my hair and add a touch of eye shadow, put on my best lip gloss and wear my shortest shorts, when all that we're doing is walking around downtown. Maybe it's because my crush on her is fading slightly... After all, I have a girlfriend now and so have no more reason to pant after Violet.

Also, school? It sucks. Period. We're doing Graduation practice and it annoys the hell out of me because I'm a fast learner and apparently nobody else is. Graduation isn't even that big of a deal... I mean, it's junior high, for Christ's sake. Who the hell cares if you participated in stupid eighth grade Graduation? I picked out a pretty dress, though, with pretty shoes that threaten to break my ankles with every step. I want to wear jeans and a T-shirt and boots, but maybe that just because I'm a dyke.

Haven't heard from the girlfriend in a while, naturally. That's the problem with a relationship like ours: it's hard to get hold of the other. She lives two hours away from me! Plus, I still have that stupid puppy I got her for Valentine's Day (which need I remind you was months ago). Her birthday passed and I missed it, but we still remain happy somehow. I miss her so much that it hurts.

To top it all off, the coin of my conversation is no longer Harry Potter, but Yami no Matseui, which none of my friends are into. I say "Tsuzuki" and they think the car. I'm ready to explode. I need to write fic, but nobody will read it! Agh!

In short, today is not my day.

God, I need some porn.
compos_dementis: Picture of anime Mello with gothic M (chibi tsuzuki)
In other news, I FINALLY went to YouTube and watched the Yami no Matsuei episodes... Not all of them, actually, I'm on number five. It's a current obsession right now, especially since the books I'm reading aren't mine, but my friend's, and I'm still waiting for #7.

I took some personality tests this weekend and found that I am Ron from Harry Potter, Tsuzuki from Yami no Matsuei. It makes sense... they both love sweets and so do I! XD

I'm in the middle of a Yami no Matsuei fic that I'm trying to write for the same friend, but I'm stuck. And none of the people I've friended so far are, as far as I know, interested in it... Hmm.

Today is my brother's birthday and he's now NINE YEARS OLD OMG. He's growing up so fast... We're having a party for him this afternoon, and my step-cousins should be arriving any minute from Nevada, along with my step-aunt and my Nana. My dad's in a frenzy because our cat Sebastian just barfed in the middle of the hallway because he was nibbling on the plants again. My wicked Step-mother is probably doing laundry somewhere... and my sister is, of course, singing. *rolls eyes*

Me, I don't plan to go help get ready. I plan to wallow in front of the computer all day while they do their thing.


Apr. 15th, 2007 06:36 pm
compos_dementis: Picture of anime Mello with gothic M (awesome gryffindor)

Okay, whoever is sending me all these gifts seriously needs to speak up and let me glomp them!

I got a thing of Bertie Botts!! Slightly pervy Bertie Botts... Just how I like them.

Are they every flavor? I mean, honestly?

Well, just wanted to say thanks (again) for whoever's sending me things. I didn't know I was worthy of gifts... I wish I could afford LJ gifts for people... well, when I find out who you are, I'll write you fic instead.

*squees over beans*
compos_dementis: Picture of anime Mello with gothic M (Ron loves Harry)
Thanks, anonymous, for the virtual tree!

*does the dance of squee*

I love trees! I'm a tree-hugging hippie!

Hmm... now to find out who you are...

*hugs you tightly*


Feb. 16th, 2007 04:10 pm
compos_dementis: Picture of anime Mello with gothic M (ginny-luna)

Next Thursday is Escapade weekend!!!

I'm so happy! My first con in general, and the first place I'll physically go to find people there who don't think I'm a pervert!

*sighs contentedly*

compos_dementis: Picture of anime Mello with gothic M (ginny-luna)
Happy Valentine's Day to all of those who are into the holiday. I bought my gf, Haley, a card and a rose and a stuffed puppy.

For me, I uploaded a new icon! *points*

And for my friends, I wrote fic.

These were for my friends:

Gotta Love the Holidays )


compos_dementis: Picture of anime Mello with gothic M (Default)

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