Poetry

Jan. 3rd, 2008 05:08 pm
compos_dementis: Picture of anime Mello with gothic M (not denial)
[personal profile] compos_dementis
A poem that I wrote, dedicated to all the relationships out there that just didn't quite work out.


Out of Reach

I promised to myself
That I would let you sleep;
But I would rather have you here,
Awake and miserable,
Than just out of my reach.
You’ve always been too far from me,
Even while I was by your side.
I wished to touch you, to comfort you,
But my fingertips could only touch
The ragged edge of your kimono,
The tattered hem of your shirt.

I miss it.
The not-touching,
The almost-kissing that we shared
Beneath a crescent moon.
The stars that night were vivid
And bright,
Winking at us like palepale gems
Set in a darkdark fabric.
Eternity opened up around us,
And I tried to press my mouth to yours,
But I couldn’t reach.
You teased,
Played to kiss me,
And left me in the cold.
Nevertheless, I miss the warmth
When I would almost-touch you,
The searing heat of
A kiss that wasn’t.

I miss your eyes,
As much as I promised myself
That I wouldn’t think of them.
A brilliant, majestic color,
Flickering over to me from
The corner of the room.
Some say that eyes are
The windows to the soul;
Yours is too visible in your eyes,
Aching with the need to be admired,
Quivering at the lightest glance.
I wanted even then to hold it
In my arms, to wrap it in a blanket
Made of finest silk,
And to let it know how beautiful it truly was
Even when you saw it marred and broken.
I love the ugliness of it
As much as I love the touch
Of your hands in mine.

I miss your smiles.
True, they were never really genuine;
Always forced, always false,
And I could see the truth hidden behind it.
Who could possibly be happy
After the burden of death,
Even when that death was wanted?
Did it hurt to die?
You said once that it was a relief,
To be freed from the heaviness of your body,
The ugliness of your life,
Although I love every side of you,
Dead of alive.
Your smiles made me melt,
Made me drown in my own adoration,
Bringing me escape from my mother’s death
As well as my own.
Someday, love,
I would like to see you smile again;
Not forced, not false,
But a smile that reaches your eyes
And lets me know how it feels to survive.

Someday I would like to reach out to you
And have you be close,
Because I would rather have you here and miserable
Than just out of my reach.
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May 2008

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